Looking Ahead ...

It's really difficult to imagine a future .. my future, after all this bad news I've received.

I guess my appointment was moved up from March 2010 not cos I was convincing .. but because my situation was pretty serious .. the echocardiogram test last week only confirmed the doctor's suspicions - Doc then referred me to a heart specialist ... or as they call it .. a cardiologist.

And so I found myself in Hospital Serdang yesterday for my appointment with the cardiologist .. only to receive even worse news.


Sigh.

Apparently the cardiologist says I don't have a problem with blockages .. he says all the tests show that one of the valves in my heart is malfunctioning .. requiring a valve replacement.

Which means .. open heart surgery.

How can such a thing happen? Is it because of the types of food I've been eating .. or all the alcohol that I've been downing before? Or it is caused by all those years of puffing away on cigarettes?

Doc says it's not specifically due to anything in particular .. more likely it's just so likely that the valve malfunctioned. Perhaps it's degenerative, he says.

But there are still more tests to be done before a final diagnosis can be made .. so I guess I can hold on to that final bit of hope that I won't have to consent to a major surgery.

I just have to get through this week .. and the next before my appointment for my next test. Doesn't really help that I feel really bad from the meds I've been taking .. not to mention trying to keep an optimistic look on things.

I know there is a chance for recovery ..... but at the moment, with all this bad news .. it's just not that easy to believe it.